Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Trusting God...again.

Talked with "the last" (as in, last hope- as in, if he didn't have a viable bid for the house we were moving on) contractor on Sunday. This guy has restored many historic homes in our city's "Cathedral District" as well as built several million dollar homes. He met dh at the acreage a couple of weeks ago just to consult and let us know if he thought the house was worth saving and ended up wanting to put a bid on it. Which he did. 'Bout 1/2 as much as almost all the others without picking up the back 1/2 of the house (to replace the sill under the kitchen which are burned out). With lots of cool additions, like A.C. (oh, baby) and building out the attic. Which, even with a 30% leeway for cost overage leaves us money to do stuff like, say, add a 2 car garage, or any other number of very.cool.things. The possibilities are exciting.

But, for the record, can I just calmly state:
AMBIGUITY DRIVES ME CRAZY, GIVES ME STOMACH ACHES AND STRESSES ME OUT!!! Ambiguity blows smoke in the face of my need for control and knowing what's ahead and the assurance that my lists (a.k.a. what I want, hope, need) will get accomplished. ACK!
Thanks, I'm better now.

So, I spent time yesterday looking at kitchen remodels. Not that I don't already have, pretty clearly in mind, what I'd like the kitchen to look and function like. But, as soon as we decide, for.sure, on a yes to a re-build, I'll be calling my mil. She has this gift for space, which I do not. And she and Grandpa Bob, along with their 2 sons, one of whom is my Man, have done lots of home construction and re-builds that would blow your socks off. Seriously. They are handy men/women extraordinaire. So, it could be a fun, creative, new venture kind of spring.

But, then again, I have loved living closer to civilization, a.k.a the largest TOWN in the Territories, which is technically a city, albeit a small one, though no one ever calls it that. I am a visual person. VISUAL. I have a minor in ART, o.k, mainly cause I am addicted to color and texture and ideas and possibilities. And I love the prairie. I really, really do. But, let's face it. Once you've seen it, and looked at it for, say, 14 years, it's not that visually stimulating. At least in town, you can watch the cars whizz by. So, I'm trying to get over my need for visuals and console myself with the thought that we might be able to create this dream home on 10 acres bordered by a river. Without getting too invested in that either, cause, ya know, it might all change tomorrow.

This letting God be in control thing and trusting Him for what's ahead is WORK, can I get an Amen? And I do, really, but, True Confessions, I have a stomach ache and have actually chewed my nails. But, always I come back to God, relieved that He is God and I am not. Relieved that He has plans and dreams for me that are full of extraordinary possiblities, despite my puny ways of understanding.

"You, O Lord, I put my trust;
Let me never be ashamed;
Deliver me in Your righteousness.
Bow down Your ear to me,
Deliver me speedily,
Be my rock of refuge,
A fortress of defense to save me.
For you are my rock and my fortress;
Therefore, for Your names sake,
Lead me and guide me.
Pull me out of the net which they have secretly laid for me,
For You are my strength.
Into your hand I commit my spirit.
You have redeemed me, O Lord God of truth.....
But, as for me,
I trust in You, O Lord;
I say, You are my God."
My times are in Your hand...
(from Psalm 31)

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