Sunday, March 20, 2011

Eternity in My Home

C.S. Lewis once observed that God is not so much offended that we want so much as by the fat that we are satisfied with so little. Though he offers us the highest of adventures of our Christian life, we settle for the state of mediocrity of our our lukewarm religious routines.    Gregg Harris

True Confessions. I want a lot. Too much, maybe. I've been a homeschooler for 20 years and a full time stay-at-home Mom for 17. I've earned some money occasionally but not enough to call it more than seasonal. For the most part I've had the luxury of being home. I've had the luxury of raising my kids. I've had the luxury of knowing them and wrestling out relationships with them beyond just a couple of hours a week- fit in between school and sports and music and part time jobs and other relationships.
I've also given up quite a bit to do that. I haven't invested in a profession. I haven't built a retirement account. I haven't written the books I am chomping at the bit to get done, or sold articles or seen clients, or dressed professionally or spoken on a wide platform or a whole host of other things that I have wanted to do and have the ability to do and have had the opportunity to do.
I've made choices that have entailed sacrifices.
And it's' been frustrating to me.
My 2 sons are 5 1/2 years apart. By the time my oldest son (and 3rd child) was five, I was finally pregnant. If I hadn't gotten pregnant it would have been so easy to go back to work, to make money and impressions and have vacations, to write. But clearly, I can't image my life, or the world really, void of our two youngest children. They are full of joy and passion and intelligence, wit and zeal for the Lord. And in light of choosing between them and my choices, a profession, money, acclaim or vacations, the choice is so clearly obvious. It's the people, mine for a season. Created for something amazing, something eternal.

I had a list of what I wanted to get done this week-end. Writing and projects and some house things. Instead I grocery shopped and cooked and talked with the family, spent time with KB, made a special breakfast at the request of the kids  (homemade crepes with real whipped creme-delicious and veery time consuming), time on the phone with family. I was glad to do it; but torn. Like I am so often. Torn between the petty and temporal and the eternal beings that I am blessed with in this life.
Someone wrote the book I've been speaking on and talking about for years. They wrote it while their kids were in daycare full time. It's o.k. I'm sure it's great. At least it's done.
My husband pointed out tonight that our kids are eternal and books are temporal. That whatever I get done, or don't, is really up to God. That I am investing in the eternal. The eternal in my home

Shabbat Shalom!


Ana Braga-Henebry said...

Lisa, similar thoughts have been going to my mind. Mid life crisis? As I prepare for child #4 to leave in another year, and #5 to leave one year after that, I am facing more time in my hands than ever before. We homeschool moms are so used to have no time of our own... just thinking of it is overwhelming at times. And I'd say you made the right decisions being with them this weekend. :-) said...

Thanks, Ana ; ) I love being in your company!

Ritsumei said...

Sounds like you've filled your years with good decisions - ones I hope to make myself. I'm just beginning to learn about all the sacrifice that's going to entail. For what it's worth, my favorite definition of the word, "sacrifice" is "to give up something good for something better." I think that someday God will show us just how much better it is.

Kathy said...

Wow. It's like I wrote this. I so needed to read it. Thank you so much for sharing.