Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Christmas Wish Reality

"If you could have anything you wanted for Christmas, what would it be."
I failed the philanthropy portion of the test by not answering,"world peace".

Instead I wrote down, fully admitting to myself on paper, my dream life. Dr. Dh and I are "niche" kinda people. Maybe it's cause we're both middle children, but if it's average, or common, or something everyone else is doing...well, we don't. We live and work and school and think in eclectic ways and so much of what we hope for is unique and honestly, not readily available; not for general consumption. I courageously wrote what I wanted and it didn't sound like too much. It sounded like what I thought our life would be. Or at least could be. But it's not. And I don't think it's gonna be.

I think it's too niche. Too out of the range of normal and average. Too unique and other-worldly and, honestly, down right odd. Why can't we just go to Joe-average schools and raise Joe-average kids and go to Joe average church and have Joe-average lives? For some reason, it just didn't seem like that was enough. It might be for other people, but not for me, not for us; not for our kids.

It's all tied in to faith for me. When I became of follower of Jesus Christ, part of the draw, for me at least, was getting caught up in a grand sweeping, magnificent drama, something otherworldly and beyond average; more than what we could ask or even imagine.

So, maybe I didn't get the faith part right. Maybe the grand sweeping drama, magnificent and sumptuous is about what's coming, the other side of heaven and not anything about what's right now.
I don't know. I'm not sure. I thought it was about now, but in light of life..., I kind of don't think so anymore. Maybe I'm finally becoming the level headed pragmatist my mother hoped I always would be.

Because of the above I have come to a conclusion. I need to let the dream go. I need to get a grip on reality and just deal with what's in front of me, instead of always longing and hoping for what's not gonna happen.The reality is that the fruit of how we've lived has been....well, not so much. If you just take the last 2-10 years in to account, our attempts at living honestly, faithfully, steadfastly, and looked at the fruit- the results financially, socially, vocationally, physically,  familially, you might laugh. I have. Right before I bawled.  Because the fruit, for what it's cost, has been very stingy indeed.

So, I'm re-assessing.
And taking a hard look at what I want for Christmas.  

1 comment:

Redradtech said...

I don't think any of us have our dream. I certainly don't. I have become very selfish. I just take care of my family and myself. I need to change.