Thursday, June 2, 2011

Show Up

An on-line friend asked me for advice the other day about how to support one of her irl friends who had just gone through a total loss house-fire. My response was disjoint and rambling. Sometimes the best support is quiet presence. At my Mom's veiwing I was sitting alone. Husband had taken everyone's kids somewhere appropriate to play and people were coming and going. And the man in whose house we were staying for the week came and sat with me. Just sat. He didn't say anything; he offered me a kleenex. Sometimes words add to the confusion. One offers them in condolensce but they are accepted through a veil of tears and sorrow. Sometimes there are no words that are the right ones.

We are on month 19 of fire recovery. And most everything is fine. It's fine enough to live, though we still live in a sort of limbo-land existance. And oddly, there are so many praises to give in response, there is so much to be grateful for. And it's hard to reconcile the feelings of anxiety, odd fears and tears that jump out of nowhere. The doubts and 2nd guessing and what-if's. The stress of 19 months of limbo-land. But that's this season's "normal", during  a very long season of re-building on so many levels.

My advice to those offering comfort and love to those going through a difficult season is simple; show up. Often recovery is long and tedious. Keep showing up.


Linda said...

This is great! How many times do people NOT show up because they are afraid they won't know what to say?

Lillian said...

Lisa, I didn't realize you had gone through a fire. (Literally). These life changing experiences are frequently hard to recover from. I'm beginning to believe recovery looks so much different than we expect it to. We expect things to return to normal, whatever that was, but things have a way of turning into a new normal that we don't expect and sometimes can't accept.

I can't show up for you but I can pray for you.

LaughingLioness said...

Linda- I've avoided difficult circumstances myself. I realize that just being is often such comfort.
Lillian, thank- you.