Monday, February 9, 2009

Counting the Cost

It's been a theme.
Promises broken,
Contracts unfulfilled.
Messages not receive. Problems ignored.
Friends who turn their backs, shun, don't see.
And then return to say that they've been praying.
It's been hard to get over it.
Financial, social, vocational, emotional costs have been high.
And gone deep.
In church I had an epiphany.
Betrayal is what Christ suffered.
Lives and dies through.
I've counted myself, willingly so, into His Way
but I naively thought,
that "things", people, circumstances might change,
be different,
not so tough or so painful,
not so long-term, sting-so-bad, cry out loud type of hurt.
That I'd get the memo:
go here, serve there.
Be diligent, faithful, minster.
Walk in the Way.
Light would shine, faith would spread.
The Living Word would sever Truth from despair,
Evil and Wrongdoing would dissipate.
Lefts would be righted.
I lost count of the cost.
Which was high.
Is high.
Hurts. Loss. Betrayal.
I'm in good company. I remembered that in church this week.
It lessened the burden.
Soothed the sting.
Named the unnamed.
Freed some ache.
Brought peace.
Still walking True North.
Still listening for His voice.
Still looking for His vision.
Still hearing the call, "Come follow Me."

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