2011It's a new year, like a new daytimer- clean, fresh pages that are crisp and unblemished. I like new. Untarnished and problem free.
I've been thinking a lot about this year and what my hopes are for it. I'm hesitant to write them down, admit them out loud, because I'd like to address some areas of failure and fear in my life.
When I start writing them down, they take on a life of their own and I start imagining what they could possibly morph in to and then all of a sudden, instead of paddling down the Little Sioux in a dinghy I've leased, I'm building my own steamboat, shoveling the coal that creates the steam myself and sailing down the length of the Mississippi at record speed.
The Dream Big that sound so bold and impassioned, courageous and free ends up being a ball and chain that condemns me to drown in the seas of Big Dreams. Inch by inch is about all I can really tackle right now. One thing, not the whole. Which is a challenge for the global, big picture, tackle it at once, do more than is reasonable person that I try to deny that I am.
My goals this year are simple but difficult. Simple because any one can do them. In fact, the one grand poombah goal I have, which I actually dreamed I failed at last night, I only have courage to tackle because of the courage of someone else in my life conquering their own grand fear of failure in a situation that was overwhelming, possibly even life and death. If they can conquer the BIG THING in their life, perhaps I can as well.
God makes all things new. I see it over and over in my life. Take my kitchen. 15 months ago I hated my kitchen. I'm tall. The counter tops, 85 years old and all, were 6 inches below standard height. There was a total of 6 feet of counter space, 3 of it blocked by an outside door that led to a cramped and pitiful porch, re purposed but not insulated as as bathroom, the other 3 blocked by the refrigerator. It was dark and dingy and had hideous green linoleum on the floor. Today it is new and beautiful and shiny and clean, new red oak floors and 18 feet of counter space, shiny silver appliances and gorgeous period cupboards and a deep sink and a dishwasher with a sweet little powder room off to the side, light and beautiful with a door that actually closes all the way. It's a miracle. They are all around us, maybe not so big and obvious, but there.
I'm hoping He does the same for me this year. I'm hoping I have the courage to let Him take the dingy, grimy places in my life that don't fit together well, that are long past serving their purposes, and make something new and clean and beautiful.
I'm hoping I have the courage to let Him get past my defenses, excuses, failures and fears and hit the mark. I'm hoping I can get out of the way enough to let bigger things succeed.
Behold, I make all things new. Revelation 21: 5
For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. Isaiah 43: 19