Thursday, December 6, 2012

Getting Acquainted Part VI: Who I Wasn't Going to Marry

By a show of hands, who reading this (besides me) has ever said, "I will never marry a psychologist."- and yes, I specified the degree/profession just that narrowly. The reason why is this. My Dad was a psychologist and my Mom was a therapist. They practiced the profession back in the 70's, during the trying adolescent years of their 3 offspring, when the field was young, knew unlimited insurance reimbursement and little in the way of ethical standards or policing. There were standards, but the field was less defined, shifting and changing. Adages like, "don't bring your clients (including strung out promiscuous teenagers, catatonic schizophrenics and beaten wives) home," were looked on with more tolerance than they might be now.

All of that to say, I had an up close and personal look at the field. In fact, when I was interviewing for my M.F.T. program I mentioned to the head of the Department that I had grown up surrounded by the profession. He naively thought I meant I was surrounded by books related to the field. Um, no. Well, yes. But much, much more.

Anyway, I found myself at a Christian college just months after I became a sold out, starry eyed follower of the Messiah. I was happy, young, and free of a lot of carp. (Iow, I knew what I'd gotten saved from. Thank-you, Jesus!) The next year, I was sailing along in my little bubble, surrounded by awesome girl friends, at a school I loved, throwing as much pottery as I had time for.  One morning I returned from my job to find a message from this guy in my very small Senior Seminar: Rabbis, Teachers and Old Testament Leaders. I called him back. He asked if I wanted to go with him to the Art Museum in Indy. Sold.

He was 1 hour late picking me up. And though  he did call to lmk, this should have alerted me to the fact that characterologically he will always believe that he can fit more things in to life than humanly possible. We had a great time at the museum and then went out for pizza. We got a large. I ate one slice. He ate the rest, even though he was a bean pole. Again, if life was fair there should have been red warning lights going off that indicated whomever married this man would spend a great deal of their time creating food for him and his beanpole offspring, and while they (the man and his kids) remained skinny-ish the person collecting, crafting, and cleaning up all of that food probably wouldn't. At least that's what happened to me.

We saw each other every night that week. We went jogging (back in the days when my knees did what they were supposed to do), met in the student lounge, (back in the days when guys weren't allowed on the girls dorm floor), and talked (back in days before texting); we talked a lot. Within weeks we were negotiating who was going where, when. (this was the 2nd semester of our Sr. year). We changed plans so that we could be together instead of apart. And we got married. That was almost 3 decades ago. And while one of my major life goals was thwarted (i.e. NOT marrying a psychologist) it was still one of the best mistakes I've ever made.

Who weren't you going to marry?


rednanasteph's place said...

I knew more of who I wasn't going to marry. I wasn't going to marry someone who wasn't extablished in a job or didn'thave their education done. I wasn't going to marry a drinker. I thought I would marry a tall rugged guy who did all kind of projects around the house. Haaa that didn't happen. I did marry a very soft spoken man who puts up with a lot from me. Thank God for him

Anonymous said...

Ha! Many years after my own marriage, I found a letter to my best friend that I had started while in college but never mailed.

At the bottom of the second page, I finally admitted I had a boyfriend but that "it isn't like I'm going to marry him."

We've been married for 15 wonderful years so far.

Hen Jen said...

this was sweet :)

I wasn't going to marry anyone in the armed forces, I refused to ever live on a base (I grew up near March airforce base and had many friends move in and out of my life, I didn't want that for my kids & I spent time on the base and it wasn't a nice one) anyways, dh really wanted to be an airforce pilot. I told him I wouldn't live on a base-flat out declared this. We've been discussing this lately, because dd17 is dating a young man interested in the armed forces...anyways, dh told me he really took to heart what I said and it did have an impact on him not going into the air force. I just looked at him incrediously and told him, you know, I would have followed you anywhere, I was/am that in love with could have called my bluff there! Actually, it worked out for the best, because his perfect vision was gone 1st year of college... said...

I love hearing about what we thought when we were young! Thanks for sharing your stories!!

RB said...

Oh ya, the lessons that God has taught us through our naivety of youthfulness and being "in love". (Or was that being in love with love?)

Meeting my hubby on the mission field in Africa, where 'dating' or 'being alone with someone' meant that you were having sex was a great set-up for "GROUP" things to occur. We really didn't spend that much time getting to know each other except in that protected group setting, so... getting married "allowed us" that privilege. :+) (privilege or struggle???)

We won't go into detail here... TMI, but I will say that God has used my hubby and our unlikely union of 33 years to:
*tame my wild side down!
*point me toward the cross.
*have the joy of being "mom" to two outstanding boys.
*see what "honoring our father and mother" looks like close up with his 92 yr old father living across the street from us.
*and many more lessons that you haven't the time to read about!

Thanks for allowing me to post, and thanks too, for sharing about your "love", Lisa.