Friday, October 15, 2010

WR: Rich Despite Myself

We did the bare minimum on school this week- workbook pages on science, writing, ETC, math. Feche kept up with Chem, Lit, Poetry. Afternoons consisted of sanding doors, painting plywood to cover the insulation on the NW backside of the house, tearing out shrubs, dirt moving and rearranging plants. I felt in a funk and 1/2 sick all week, having a hard time waking up and going to sleep at 9:30 with my hoodie on and zipped up.
Viking Man and I got twin speeding tickets this week and both felt like it was a terrible, horrible very bad week for a number of reasons.
Mainly that it's been odd and  full of concerning news, stressful numbers and moves in the academy that point to continued loss of freedoms. Read a book this week by a "fresh, young voice," and was struck over and over again, not only by her ability to wordsmith, but by her ability to integrate secularization into her life of faith. While I don't doubt her sincerity in belief, her seeker-sensitivity bias and glittery life-style detracted from her believability on oh so many levels.
I'm feeling seeker sensitive myself and relating to Riley on National Treasure. Why can't God just hand us the map with instructions to, "Go here, spend wisely" or google "Path for (insert name here)" and come up with the right results?
Someone clever is thinking, "That's what prayer is." Then why is it so often prayers lay unanswered, the lame continue to hobble, the blind can't see, bills remain unpaid and jobs that provide little to no fulfillment let alone benefits are shown up to, coddled and attended to? My list sounds hollow and weak but it's the mundane that is wearying. Prayer without power, or simple answers is a weak religion indeed but I am seeing the lack of power all over the place, particularly in my own life and in the lives of those I love.

I don't like it. I want answers, results, health, vibrancy, perhaps even a bit of the glittery life-style I read about this week.
It's shocking to realize that I'm old enough to have concerns over my children's friends, many of whom are adults. That, while I live a life rife with dreams unrealized, I see kids growing up but not necessarily growing in faith or maturity and I feel concerned. Mainly cause I love them and see their God given potential and want them to live with answers and results and health and vibrancy.
And in the midst of a week that caused us to contemplate a move to Australia (think literary, not literal) I spent the day amongst a group of people whose faith community ministered to me on a profound level. Not only have they provided the structure to our homeschool this year in the form of Tutoring Center and Co-op, they have included my kids and me, embraced us and, honestly, brought laughter and normalcy to my life when I feel so fragile and tender, like a burn victim with new skin, almost afraid of letting anything touch me cause it will hurt. Sitting at the park with the sun sparkling as it does only in the fall, people talking peacefully about the good things of life, children frolicking and full of joy at being together and the fun Feche had dancing the night away- these things put some of the harder points of the week in perspective. Good, and God, prevail in the midst of trials and difficulties, worries and concerns.
So, again, a weak week for academics from Moi, but rich anyway because of the love poured out by the adept and loving leadership and teaching of many women who are pouring into the lives of my kids despite their many responsibilities and children of their own.
THANK-YOU Janell, and Ana and Caitlin and Nancy and Margy and Sarah, and Janell and  Patty and Susan and the many others who are making homeschooling work for us during this season of upheaval and tentative healing in our lives. I thank God for each one of you in my every remembrance!


Mrs. Brooke said...

God and good do prevail. I'm sorry it was such a tough week for you, it's not fun at all.

Glad you had a silver lining in the end. I hope the next week is more encouraging.

Stephanie said...

It looks like we both had bad weeks. :(
But you expressed it much more eloquently than I did. Here's hoping we both see better days.

WildIris said...

I am just reading to part of your post about twin speeding tickets and I sooo feel your pain. Ouch!

Faith, religious or otherwise, can be so darn elusive sometimes.

Cheers to a more glittery next week.

It seems so silly to type this, but I really liked this post. It seems so human, so relatable, so real.

Moonbeam said...

I am so blessed and inspired by your ability to find the good and to continue seeking God even when it's not the easiest choice.

Bright Sky Mom said...

(((HUG))) Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, wearying week! Glad you have friends to hold you up and embrace you, and a day of sparkling sun!
Lee (5wolfcubs)

LaughingLioness said...

Ya'll are making me cry. Thank-you for the good wishes and kind words!!

Jannell said...

Why thank you. We are so glad to have you "back."