Bittersweet Legacies

I received a gift subscription to a magazine last week, "From a Friend." I opened up the enclosed gift card and the friend identified was my sister who unexpectedly passed away in October. She left behind one last Christmas gift...

Derek Loux, Christian artist, father of 10 and minister of the Gospel died tragically this past Christmas Eve. He and his wife lived the Word and had adopted 8 children, along with starting the Josiah Organization: Josiahfund.org. You can hear some of what he left behind here:

Blow My Mind - Paper Religion - 2007 - 5:38
Dance With Me - Paper Religion - 2007 - 4:57
Love You Much - Paper Religion - 2007 - 5:42
Your Only Child - Paper Religion - 2007 - 5:07o

Today the girls and I went over to what we refer to as "The Pod People." More accurately it's Service Masters and the Pod that we rent sits on their property, but somehow they've all become one under our sci-fi title. Basically, of what we saved, they are recommending that we dispose of 85-90%. The smell and stain just won't come out. And basically, I'm o.k. with that. We've been living with, well..more than the basics, but less than normal-kwim? We are still living in an odd, twilight zone gray of in between where we were and not to where we'll be So, today KB and I went over to see just what school curriculum we had left and it looks like nothing but some CD's. We'll copy a couple of books but the rest are soggy and smell and are molding. Sigh.

I started using Sonlight Curriculum back in 91'- the 2nd year they were in existence. Becky Lewis, co-creator of Sonlight was actually in our Sunday School at church in CA before they went back to the Middle East with Frontiers. I've bought into the "building a legacy library" for the past 20 years but it looks like the majority of 1000's of books that we've invested in are not worth saving. Sigh.

So then we went looking for the photo albums. Moldy. Damp. Stained. Our family has been into scrapbooking for the past decade and a half, and like everything else we do, we either don't or we over-do and of the almost 20 albums that my dd's, mil and I have created there was not one worth saving. We tore the pages out, tore the edges off, and spread them out, not even sure what to do with all the ripped and torn pages once they dry.

Sigh.

And then I started crying. Not so much for the stuff, but for the memories. The legacies that we had been creating to pass on. The pictures and memories, the quality toys that we scrimped and saved for, the literature and movies and somehow my Great Aunt's beautiful, pale yellow China. Gone.

I've been dwelling a lot on legacies and God's purpose. Sue and Derek are gone, without warning. They didn't get to chose what they left behind, but we see the beauty of their lives. Beloved spouses, beautiful and gifted children, friends.

And I'm assessing: What have I invested in that's of lasting value? What will survive after I'm gone? Have I stewarded my time and life wisely?

And I'm wondering: What is God doing through all of this? What is He hoping to refine in us in this? What is hoping to birth in us through this?

And I'm questioning: What next, Lord? and Where?